I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize