i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
