I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
