OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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