im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
