the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
