All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
