im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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