So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
