GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
my poor anus
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
