My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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