If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
