Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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