Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
