: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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