Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
