somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
