i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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