I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
