I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
