spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's blow job season.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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