You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
