She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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