who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I lost the right to judge tonight
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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