Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize