It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
