next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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