My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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