this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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