What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
