Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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