Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
