I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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