and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
