Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize