Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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