If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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