I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
