I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
