did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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