I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
