mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize