i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
