wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
