My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Someone signed my nipple.
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