Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
