wanna go halves on a baby?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
