it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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