my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
