And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
