If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
