Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
