So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize