turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
