The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize