she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
