I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
