the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
