you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
