You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
