I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
