So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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