Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
