Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
