please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
