smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
