im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
