what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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