Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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