then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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