I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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