the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
