So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
