I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
