I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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