Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
