When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
