i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
