Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My first STD was from a foam party
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
