thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
