This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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