The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
