rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
