I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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