PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
