just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
