im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
