Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
