is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
True strength comes from lack of pants
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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