Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
