she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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