Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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