she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize