Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
