do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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