Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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