ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
