How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
