Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
