Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
