So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
