Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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