do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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