3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The air taste purple.
Randomize
