Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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